17. Tings Nov 17

(8:29 am Nov 17, 2005)

Book.

Book. Novel. Text. Ticket. Numbers. Cards. Reservation. Rules. Gig. Transferring. Forty Nine. Portfolio. Binding.

Book. Novel. NaNoWriMo. Bruno. Zotz. drew. Beat.

Bruno is a beat and zotz is beat.

Bruno is well rested, zotz is not.

Bruno is behind, zotz is out ahead.

Bruno is a hero, zotz's plot is not.

Now, when I say zotz's plot is not, you should not take me to mean that zotz's plot is not a hero, you should understand simply that zotz's plot is not.

As in non-existent. As in, fallen apart. As in, it looked like one might be developing, but this fabled third week has seen it crumble.

Gotta keep the words flowing though, gotta keep the word count rising. Is there a plot doctor in the house? Is the plot beyond hope?

If a plot doctor yells fire in a crowded theatre, is there one hand clapping in the woods?

What happened to Schrodinger's Cat? It fell off of Plank's Constant.

Are you a particle or a wave? Just answer the question.

Gentle reader, I know that, on the rare occasion, I have called on you to exert and extra effort in keeping your disbelief suspended while reading my humble book. I am almost afraid to relate this next bit to you for fear that I am asking much too much of you in this area.

I must be brave. If Bruno can be a hero, perhaps I can be a literary hero if only in a small and humble fashion.

Mr. Lee never made it off the island.

Words can sure trip you up. You see, he did make it off, but not in the manner in which he was attempting.

He was caught. By the law. Given his dastardly deeds, he was treated with the utmost civility and gently interrogated and voluntarily gave a statement and assisted in the investigations.

A number of long standing crimes were solved. (I may list them for you elsewhere.)

After he had signed, with great difficulty, you see his hands were too large for the pen provided, an unusual thing happened. A communication was made with a certain farm on Long Island. A certain boat left a certain base with a certain cargo heading in a southerly direction. At that precise moment, a certain other boat left a certain harbour heading in a northerly direction. At a certain point in time and space, the two craft met and a certain cargo was transferred and each vessel retraced its route and returned right back where it started from. The cargo being the only exception.

There, I've said it. I hope I have not broken all bonds between us gentle reader.

Does a true fict become a fact, or can it remain a fict?

(9:03 am Nov 17, 2005)

It's a gluon that's not completely dry. (Cue laughter from the physics department.)

Even the jokes are falling apart now. Although that last one really is quite funny in a limited sort of way for an off morning. No, not the doctor. Off in another way. Off in another direction entirely.

The punch line: That queue you stand in at parties or more precisely, receptions, after you already have your ham rolls and you need a beverage.

Monkey.

Monkey. Spider. Around. Prehensile. Tamper. Putter. Imp. Simian. New. old. Addiction. Naval adjective. Ten. Messy. Pet. Underwear.

"Ah Mr. Lee, welcome to the fambly farm. We know you'll enjoy your stay."

---

Smooth Operator: Oil of Olay and Milk of Magnesia.

Stuck on You: Bacardi and Superglue.

Luv on da Rocks: Love vine tea and vodka on ice.

Bahama Mamba: Gin and Coconut Water laced with snake venom.

---

Chirotraffica Report.

Poetry in Lotion.

Spin Doctor's in Tubs.

You ain't just whistling, Dixie!

Its just an arrow of time.

A manioc depressive.

Equity and reality.

The Youth in Asia Movement.

The Hatfields and the Macaws.

Munchie Jumping.

---

Authentic Replica.

Live Recording.

Numb Feeling.

Rolling stop.

Old News.

Fairly Unique.

Naturally Sophisticated.

Government Budget.

Work Party.

---

(9:29 am Nov 17, 2005)

(9:38 am Nov 17, 2005)

I don't know why, but most of my characters seem to have abandoned me again this morning. None of them are returning my calls. I guess they are not checking their voice mail. I am also getting a lot of messages about cellular customers having left vehicles. Really, what can you do when your characters don't show up for work? And here i thought that problem was reserved for movie makers and the like. I never dreamed it could happen to a novelist. Particularly a nano novelist.

But, they have clearly not shown up. I guess I will just have to try and carry on the novel for a while without them. That should show them who's boss. Who do they think they are? Sports stars? Actors? Please. they consist of bits. Minute changes in magnetic fields on platters of metal. To date, I have never once even reduced them to particles of ink on paper. Now, since this novel is being blogged and released BY-SA, it is possible that someone else had converted them to actual ink on actual paper. Some adventurous few may even have turned them into digital ink on digital paper. I would not know about that.

You know, come to think of it. That just may be my problem now. I mean, what if someone else has already taken advantage of my generous BY-SA release and is already making changes to Tings! Perhaps he has made a better offer to my characters. Perhaps they have left me and gone of to work for someone else. Could it be?

You know, although I am happily behind the copyleft march, it certainly does have unforeseen consequences.

Who would have imagined the possibility that my characters might have run off to work for someone else in the middle of my unfinished nano novel?

Perhaps I will go down in history as the first novelist to have his characters abandon him in this fashion. Here in the islands, I hear Guinness is good for you. Guinness, can you put me and my book in your book on account of this?

(9:50 am Nov 17, 2005)

(4:15 pm Nov 17, 2005)

Sea Fan.

Sea Fan. The first double word prompt? Break it down.

Sea. Ocean. Water. Salt.

Fan. Admirer.

Hence: Sea Fan - one who admires the ocean.

Just kidding.

Sea Fan - corals that form delicate, fan shaped, horny skeletons.

These fellas like to mash up on plankton.

Yep, my characters are still avoiding me and so I find I face the prospect of writing a new kind of novel. One without characters.

Now check this out. I do have characters in one sense. They are sitting right in front of my and as I press on them, the corresponding characters appear on my LCD screen to form the words I wish. Now, contemplating a novel without those sorts of characters is another thing entirely. An audio only novel perhaps. Created solely in the verbal realm. Copyrighted in such a way as to preclude the reduction of it to the written word and thus never needing those sorts of characters? An what of fair use. Could some reviewer somewhere ruin the whole effect by recording some of the novel on paper?

No, the characters that I must try and do without until I find them are the actors upon the stage of my novel. There go those references to plays again.

So, how to handle the situation. In some ways, it is a strangely liberating thought. But I must contemplate the alternatives.

Do I simply write a novel with no characters whatsoever? Do I go out into the highways and byways and find other characters to invite into my novel. Or, to use a sporting term for the same idea, do I hire replacements or scrubs?

What to do, what to do?

Shall I experiment with the Dickens plan.

I shall describe the room in question. The room in question was made of eight inch concrete blocks.

(4:51 pm Nov 17, 2005)

(6:34 pm Nov 17, 2005)

Ouch. Called out on an emergency service call. A UPS acting up. Might not have been a BEC issue though.

OK, back to that room built from concrete. Let's say the room is fifteen feet wide by twenty feet long with ten foot ceilings. At a rough calculation, this would be six hundred and fifty two blocks assuming I did the rough math right.

So, let us describe the room block by block.

Now the first block is a greyish colour. It has a rough texture. It is sitting in the bottom left hand corner of the southern wall of the room.

You know, I cannot do this to your or to me. Scrap that idea.

(6:49 pm Nov 17, 2005)

(7:07 pm Nov 17, 2005)

I had a hard time with Dickens in high school and have never given him a fair shake since. Never the less, I can't do to either of us what my memory exaggerates his work to be like.

Is that sentence up there poorly constructed?

Quail.

Quail. Bobwhite. Dust. Baths. Forts in the pines. Flushed and flying fast.

Hmmm. This is tough. I feel the need of some characters to help me on my way. Try to find an alternative. Think, think, think.

---

Night's Illusion


Night's illusion calls on quiet breezes
She sends her scents upon the warm and sultry winds
Drawing lonely souls across the gulf of time

Where did the young man go?
The man of dreams and many far aways
The one who slid through quiet yesterdays

Have you seen the young girl lately?
I have searched but could not find
Spanned the misty reaches of a cold and weary mind.

Still night's illusion sings her songs
Some hearts listen through till dawn
And lonely souls go on. And on.

Where did the young man go?
Have you seen the young girl lately?
Still night's illusion sings her songs

And lonely souls go on and on.

---

You like that?

---

A Nuclear Reactor

Baby there's a nuclear reactor in my pocket
I'm a wild and dangerous man.

Honey there's rockets in the heels of my shoes
Hold me tight and fly to the moon.

We'll sit on a big rock and watch the world turn.
Watch the world turn.

Baby I got a built in satellite dish
You can send me signals from another state.

Honey I got a computer tracker and descrambler too.
You can be sure I'm following you.

Let's sit on a pink beach and watch the sun rise.
Watch the sun rise.

Baby there's a nuclear reactor in my pocket
I'm a wild and dangerous man.

---

How about that? I think that last one is fun.

---

I need characters. Let me take a quick look and see if I can find any old friends sho can make a brief appearance for us...

---

(7:21 pm Nov 17, 2005)



They pumped five hundred gallons of aviation fuel into him before they realized he wasn't a plane. (Cue laughter.)

Let's see. I just found some giant no-see-ums that can be seen. I might be able to hire one or two, but I would need to find names for them.

I see Shortly, a diver. (He help me in Bowling in Showers.) Nope, no can do. He died in that story.

Albight Von Boatschnegle. Nah.

Samuel R. J. Higginbotham. The think is he is an author who writes thrillers, at least that is what it says in "The Day The Banks Found Fear." He would likely be doing his own nano and we know the issues there.

We have the dragons from "Dragons Roam The Land" but no names there either. You want dragons in this novel at this point?

Raji Kumar. Has he been around yet? If not, he is a possibility.

The Raggeded. Another possibility.

Frank the Norwegian Narwhal. Now we are getting somewhere.

Ah. Coon Skin Cap. He appears in "The Essence of Curtain Climbing" and he is the first to climb a curtain and it was captured on video . This event occurred in nineteen eighty three at New Plymouth Manor. Unfortunately, I think the video was lost in the hurricane that destroyed the Manor. We lost the video of "Eat The Rest" to the same storm. Still, Coon Skin Cap might help us out.

Lie Down and Play Dead, also from "The Essence of Curtain Climbing" two canine greats from the early days of the sport.

Nameless. Another canine who was just coming into his own as a curtain climber when the IC^3 barred dogs from the competitions due to the extensive damage they caused the curtains. Another good possibility.

[The IC^3: The International Curtain Climbing Committee is the governing body for the sport of Curtain Climbing on a world wide basis.]

Oops, I see we are in need of some extra words now. Hold on a second...

(7:49 pm Nov 17, 2005)

Approved.

Approved. Now there is a nice word. You have been approved for a new home. No, even better, you have been pre-approved for that new home.

Your application for a job has been approved.

The board of directors has approved you appointment to the board.

You application to this institution of higher learning has been approved.

You, sir, and you madam, are approved. You are A List. Red Carpet. Yes indeed you are the new and improved approved. Jet Set.

Approved for the discovery of untold pirate wealth.

Approved.

Hey, would you like to be written into this book? I might consider pre-approving you even for that lofty position. Just think!

Hey, Long Tall. Appearing in "Long Tall, Taxman." Possibilities there.

Then there is Brute, Long Tall's horse.

HIM. Appearing in many places. But we have already used She. Should we let HIM in the same book as She?

Clarence the Weather Beetle from "Pole Beans and Hot Days."

(8:28 pm Nov 17, 2005)

So, you want the dragons. How did I know you would. OK, so here's the deal. In the past, as we all know, dragons were huge beasts. Now, as we also know, dragons have made it their business to keep men and women apart. Especially lovers.

Now, many of you will not have read "Dragons Roam The Land" and so I will give a brief update on what was discovered in that seminal paper. One important item from the paper is the distinction between the ancient instances of dragons and those of English stories. Straight?

You have almost certainly encountered dragons in your life without even knowing it. You see, these days dragons seldom take on huge dimensions and live in caves like in the past. No, these days, the dragons take on extremely small dimensions and live in the mouths of men and animals.

Are lights going off in your mind now?

Now, you can keep them sleeping by regular of application of toothpaste and gentle rubbing. Or frequent lubrication with mouthwash. Mints also helps. Mint does too.

Here is where you run into trouble. If you fail in these regular applications, watch out. They wake up. They start off by spewing out a cottony substance and then their nostrils start to smoke. Soon, small tendrils of flame begin to hiss from their throat. As the smoke and flame move over the cottony substance, an evil smelling gas is produced. This combines with their already foul breath to create a smell disgusting beyond belief. Pity the member of the opposite sex that must smell this at close range!

Got it?

Now, can we find some some names for a few of these dragons?

Luxury.

Luxury. Indulgence. Lavish. Sumptuous. Exquisite. Estate. Jewels. Gold. Lap. Travel. Cruise.

OK, we are entering the home stretch now. Under six hundred words should see a nano two thousand and five winner tonight.

So, names for these miniature dragons? Wow! Light bulb just appeared over my head. One is to be called Nano in honour of... You guessed it.

OK, Nano the dragon and we need another name.

(8:59 pm Nov 17, 2005)

(9:08 pm Nov 17, 2005)

Let's go with Drake, shall we?

OK, so we have Nano and Drake. Two modern dragons. Great. Now, how can they help us with this novel? What can they get up to? What trouble can they cause?

Ah. I see Frizzell and Felina have come back, hat in hand, looking for their jobs back. Well, I am not one to hold a grudge, so they are welcome. Run along now you two and get back to your lives so I can incorporate you into this scene.

There, they are safely back in character. And now, the stage is set. (Stage reference again.)

And off we send Nano and Drake. And where do they go? Well, They sneak out and follow behind Frizz and Felina.

Frizz and Felina head back over to Eleuthera even at this late hour to continue their interrupted honeymoon. Little do they know that dragons roam the land tonight. Little do they know that dragons are on their track. Dragons are on their trail.

They pulled some strings and caught a helicopter ride directly up to Spanish Wells and headed to the cottage which they had also arranged via the selective pulling of strings.

They made a quick salad for dinner and watched an old black and white movie from The Internet Archive before going to bed.

Nano and Drake watched from the other side of the screen. They both enjoyed the movie. The air was cool and fresh. A pleasant evening. They had shrunk down small enough so that there was no danger of their being seen by the circular passing of cars with pointers inside.

When Frizz and Felina went into the bedroom, Nano and Drake flew around the side of the house to the bedroom window. Well, Frizz and Felina had turned out the lights. Just as the dragons landed on the sill, Frizz walked over and pulled the curtains.

The dragons were thwarted. For now. But dragons are not easily thwarted. No, dragons are nothing if not persistent.

They decided to split up and meet back on the sill every twenty minutes to update each other on progress.

Nano headed up to check out the attic dormers. Drake headed down under the house. This house, you see, was on ground pins. Ground pins set in ground pin holes.

The ground pin holes of this house though were made on location during the building of the house. The ground pin holes were not those cheap imported holes. Those cheap, imported holes that you need sky hooks to install. Sky hooks which cost so much to operate that the cheap, imported holes end up costing you more than high quality local holes all in.

Drake dropped to ground level and went under. There were pipes and wires down here. Water, sewerage, electrickery. Drake followed along, tracing the pipes and wires, looking for a means of entrance.

Nothing. There were tight seals at all openings where pipes and wires went up into the house.

Time to go back to the sill.

Nano went up and began looking for openings in the screens of the dormer windows. He was hoping to find somewhere where a bird might have flown into the screen by mistake and made a beak hole in the screen as a result.

On the third screen, he found one and squeezed into the attic. It was finished as an extra room. Nano went over to a stairwell and headed downstairs.


Before he could get too much further, he checked the time and headed back to meet with Drake.

(10:02 pm Nov 17, 2005)