18. Tings Nov 18

(8:29 am Nov 18, 2005)

Opaque.

Opaque. Transparent? NOT! Translucent? NOT!

Light says, "May I please pass?"

Mr. Opaque Material replies, "I think not!"

Mr. Opaque Material disappears and light continues on anyway in his absence.

I know, I know. I am milking that one way too much.

Orange you glad I didn't say banana? (Cue laughter.)

Opaque. Dull. Seems Mr. Opaque was all work and no play before disappearing.

I am sorry sir, you are suffering from high opacity syndrome or as we in the profession like to call it, HOS. It is often accompanied by RLS.

Opaque. Stockings.

I wonder if any more of my characters will show up for work today. Now that I am a proven second year winner. Their attempt at derailing my efforts a flop. Perhaps they left for some other reason. I did not think to question Frizz and Felina last night when they returned so I still don't know what the deal actually is.

(8:37 am Nov 18, 2005)

Leisure. Ah, the sweetness. Pressure. Gone. Ah, the relief. Deep breaths allowed. Encouraged even. Stretches. Oh, how good they feel.

I wonder if Bruno is now claiming his new boss is the one that is a fake or if he is still claiming that I am. Yeah, right. When I am already past fifty thousand and he is still way behind. Who is he trying to kid? Perhaps now that I am past fifty thousand for myself, I can even spend some time helping him with his book.

Stretches. Oh, how good they feel.

Frizz stretched and rolled over to kiss Felina. Nano was disturbed by his movement and awoke!

"Morning honey," he whispered.

Felina recoiled in horror. Her movement caused Drake to awake! "What is that?" cried Felina.

Frizz choked and turned away.

Nano and Drake looked out and grinned at each other. Mission accomplished.

(8:45 am Nov 18, 2005)

The Five Hundred Word Song

Five hundred words
Its not so hard to do
I bet I could write five hundred
Talking about my shoe

Five hundred words
Its not so hard to do
Bet I could write five hundred more
Talking about the dew

Now I've reached a thousand
And I'm halfway done today
Bet I could write five hundred more
Talking about some hay

Five hundred words
And I'll be done my quota
I bet I could write five hundred
Talking about Mizmocha

Oh, morning Cang, morning XXIII, morning Ezza. You know what you need to do. Go on. Get to it. Chop, chop! And I want a cut of your treasure as a penalty. I could just kick you out of the book and take it all for myself, but I am not like that.

No, no, you can't call me Mr. Ten Percent. I think that is already taken. Besides, I give the names to you. You have no business trying to give me names. Don't talk to me about no characters union. I am not management. I am not management material. Isn't that obvious by now?

(9:00 am Nov 18, 2005)
(6:08 pm Nov 18, 2005)


Under.

Under. Over. Line. Take. Bet. Odds. Water. Dog. All.

Under these conditions, how could anything thrive?

Under represented. You know. What percentage of politrickians is / are lawyers? What percentage of the general population is / are lawyers? Under represented. This is not a party observation. This is no anything to party about. Nor to laugh about.

According to our records of your billable hours, you have to be at least ninety six years old. (Cue laughter.)

Under her thumb.

Under his nose.

Under the hood.

Under the covers.

Would Frizz and Felina ever go there again? Had they solved their dragon created problems during the day while we were out?

Under handed. Those dragons sure play underhanded don't they?

Under funded. Raise ya hand if ya under funded! Raise ya hand if ya under funded! Raise ya hand if ya in a jam! Raise ya hand if ya in a jam!

Under appreciated. Will Tings end up being under appreciated, or will it become a classic of modern literature, destined to take its place alongside other great novels of our time? What, you don't think this novel is lasting literature? Go on then. Surely you josh. Jest even.

OK, back to Frizz and Felina. After their initial shock and awe and indeed, horror, abated, they headed directly for the bathroom and their mouth washes and tooth brushes.

Nano and Drake saw what was coming and did not wish to be put into a slumber state so they high tailed it our of there without delay. To be totally honest, they left without Ruth as well, but that did not have much impact on the situation.

Raise ya hand if ya want a tan! Raise ya hand if ya got a plan!

The two dragons hung around the cottage for much of the day looking for opportunities to sneak back in and once again cause havoc. Frizz and Felina seemed to be eating only bland foods and they had gone down to the store and purchased a tin of mints as well which they proceeded to suck at various fairly intervals throughout the remainder of the day.

By mid afternoon, Drake suggested that they take a quick look around the island to see if there was any other opportunities to cause trouble.

Now, you may not know this, but mints and several other portable substances go by the street name of Dragon Killers. I think you know why.

One of the reasons mints, and particularly those clear kind sometimes known as glacier mints are so effective against dragons is their cooling powers.

You can text these powers for yourself.

Take a drink from a water fountain. Then, suck on a mint for a while and take another drink. See how much cooler the water from the fountain feels? That is the cooling power of mints. That shuts down the dragons fiery breath.

I hope that my brief discussions of dragons in the modern world will help you to identify and thwart their attacks upon you and your friends and family.

Up until now in this book, and indeed, as far as I know, this is the first time this information is being brought to light anywhere in the world, we have only being discussing defenses against the modern dragon. Just to be clear, these defenses against the modern dragon have been covered before, particularly in "Dragons Roam The Land." It is the info to follow that has never been brought to light before.

Dragons can be tamed, trained and used offensively.

There, I've said it. The cat is out of the bag.

(6:39 pm Nov 18, 2005)

(8:06 pm Nov 18, 2005)

Vibe.

Vibe. Vibration. Good vibes. Bad vibes. Vibes who just don't care.

Vibration. Shaking. Oscillation. Hertz. Hz. cps. cpm. rpm. spm. Amplitude. Back and forth. Shimmy. Tremulous. Shiver. Quiver. Tremble.

Vibe. Music. Beat.

Bruno, are you coming back my friend?

Whatever that other writer is paying you, it is not worth it. He doesn't care for you like I do. You and I have history my friend. We go way back. I support you in your quest to promote live music. Alright, I admit it, I do dabble around with MIDI from time to time, but I prefer live music, and haven't I always protected you from those MIDI assassins?

Tell you what, I just got an email saying that the Buzz had a special encore performance by a band that was a big hit last time. Let's meet there tomorrow night and talk things over at least. You wont regret it. Come on Bruno, gimme the beat.

Dig it. Check ya later.

OK, so let's catch up with Cang, XXIII and Ezza.

Cang and XXIII went back underground as quickly and as unobtrusively as they could. They were disguised in any event. Ezza in the meantime went over to see a friend who was a jeweler and to borrow or buy one of his extra furnaces.

They planned to melt down some of the gold bars they had found and try to move some small quantities in order to try and begin funding their necessary defensive measures.

Now, since the soldiers were still not back on the scene, perhaps they could give up on these measures and go back to planning for a normal life. They had discussed the possibility, but neither of the three were confident that this was a prudent decision.

(8:44 pm Nov 18, 2005)

I hope we don't lose that last engine, we'll be up here all day! (Cue laughter.)

Man, I normally have no trouble remembering lots of jokes, but now when I need them for this, I am running dry. I just can't seem to get on a roll.

(8:55 pm Nov 18, 2005)

So, Cang and XXIII were back underground. Exploring and mapping and making notes. There were many interesting things down there. Among them, several items with the initials LJS.

Wildfires are burning in someones heart tonight. Burning in the air tonight. Wildfires running wild. Smoke.

You meet someone. You breathe the same air that they do. You find a fire kindled in your heart.

Young.

Young. Fresh. Youth. Fountain of Youth. Bimini. Ponce de Leon. Indians. West Indians. Indians in the Americas as opposed to Indians in Indian. Did their youthful appearance cause the search for the fabled fountain?

The word is that these beautiful islands of the Bahamas were depopulated and lay uninhabited for many years after the famous fourteen ninety two voyage of exploration. Imagine if they had GPS back then.

Hey, does gps work underground? As in caves. I think not. You see the problem then. Trying to map out their discovery. That alone was a monumental task. Trying to catalogue their finds? Immense. Beyond immense. Let us hope dragons don't get down in there with them. That will cause no end of troubles.

(9:30 pm Nov 18, 2005)

The nano novel man is fading fast. Tiredness is creeping in upon him. Attaching weights to his eyelids. Putting fuzzies into his head. Over three hundred words to go for the day still and the going is getting increasingly tough. I mean it is hurting. having half my characters still missing is not helping either.

I will have to make a concerted effort to track some more of them down in the morning.

I wonder if there are any pegging battles going on tonight. Perhaps I should call around an see if there is any sip sip about that.

(9:34 pm Nov 18, 2005)

Sleep, that wonderful thing of which we get much too little during the month of November. (How do you like that as a candidate of Nano two thousand and five's worst short sentence?)

Still, sleep calls, beckons. She sings her siren songs to many of the nano tribe. Some fight and resist. Some give in. Some set flying fingers to work to resist and give in all at once.

Gentle reader. Should I encourage you to sign up and become a harsh writer? Is that the best word? A rough writer? A stern writer? A severe writer? A common writer? (That's an interesting twist is it not?) Not this year mind you. Unless of course you are reading this in two thousand and six or beyond. Again we face the odd disconnect between the author and his gentle readers. A temporal disconnect and we must note that Bruno is nowhere to be seen tonight. Yes, we did speak to him on the phone, but we know not of his whereabouts.

Nope, the werewolves are gone back to London. The moon is no longer fully full tonight. Seems we have a little gibbous action happening tonight.

Gibberish gibbous gibbon whose name has been gibbeted up. Hey, stop with your gibes already lest I set this gibbering gibbon upon thou under this gibbous moon. Halt I say.

Sleep, I shall soon heed your call. I come soon and very soon. And when I come, I shall not dally. I shall fall into slumber with cruel abandon and trouble my bed no more.

I shall lay me down and perhaps dream my characters into some useful situations such that on the morrow I shall struggle the less.

And thus I pass two thousand words added to my Tings and close my day's writing soon and very soon.

Goodnight to you my characters who have returned. Sweet dreams. Beware the dragons who still prowl.

(10:02 pm Nov 18, 2005)